2003-09-15 | 9:10 p.m.
<< Mangled and Confused...my thoughts or me? >>

While I am letting you all read this entry, this is really more for my benefit. I guess it will give you some insight into what it is that I have been thinking recently.

*****Miami University*****

PROS-

1. Wells Hall. The group of people that I have met this year are really incredible. I get along better with some than I do with others, but I think that is the case anywhere. We are all pretty close...closer than other first year halls on campus.

2. Academic Reputation. I know that Miami is a really good school and that it will look good on applications if I say that I got my degree here.

3. Huge German Program. Last I heard, the German Department here was composed of 11 teachers. That is more than I have heard of at any other school.

4. Good Education Program. I know that Miami is not the only school with a good Education Program, but I figure I better add it to my list of Pros, as I feel there will be many cons.

CONS-

1. Location. Miami University is 5 hours from home. Have you ever made the ride from the wood to Oxford? It sucks. There is nothing to see for a really long time, then you hit the traffic around Columbus, then you go back into nothing until you get to Miami University. And it is 5 HOURS! One of the girls from my hall got sick this weekend and her parents drove from Rocky River to be with her (she has mono, so it is pretty serious). I couldn't even imagine what would happen if my mom had to do that by herself.

2. Discrimination. I just found out that Miami ranks fifth in the nation for being discriminatory against homosexuals. FIFTH! What the hell is taht about? I mean, we are rated even higher than the College of the Ozarks, and I don't know about you, but that just screams "We Don't Like Gay People" to me. And the thing that makes it worse is that it doesn't seem to affect anyone else the way it affects me. Am I overreacting?

3. My opinion. For those of you that didn't get the e-mail I sent out, the workers at Miami University are going on strike as of September 25. They receive about $8.00 an hour, which sounds like a lot but when you hear that workers at other schools with comprable tuitions and enrollment get paid about $2.00 an hour more, it is a little disturbing. And the fact that they do such an excellent job while maintaining a pleasant attitude is really sad. What does this have to do with my opinion? Well, it's just really hard for me to express what it is that I am feeling without having the risk of a huge debate. So, I find myself keeping everything in until I reach a point that I feel I am going to burst.

4. The Party Scene. Go back an entry to hear my rant about the party scene. What happened at the hockey party is a pretty good example of what happens here all the time. Does this happen at your schools? Do people come in drunk? Do you hear about it? Is it as big a nuisance there as it is here?

And to top it all off, I am feeling a whole new set of worries.

1. If I stay here at Miami, I don't think that I will be very happy. I don't forsee myself getting the most out of the college experience.

2. I get the sneaking feeling that, if I decided to leave, my family would think that I am just a big quitter. I don't know why I let this affect me as much as it does, as I don't see them too often, but it still does.

3. If I decide to leave, will I be missing out on some big opportunities?

4. I have felt like shit the past few days. I can't seem to get the dull ache out of my back and I am developing a cough. Sickness has been running rampant in Wells Hall, ranging from colds to Mono. If I end up being really sick, it is just one more thing to add to the list of " I Freaking Hate Being Here" things.

I think that is all I can really think of to say tonight. That is basically everything I could possibly say about school at the moment. I wish I could say that I feel better after writing all of this, but all I have really done is move my worries from my brain to this entry and I am sure it is all going to come back to me soon. I wish I had something more uplifting to say. I wish I was more optimistic about the future. I wish I didn't feel the way I feel. I wish.

Is this what it's like?

A dream lacking serenity?

A wordless conversation, a "you and i" without me.

Well I try and i won't get far,

i'll die and i won't get far

i'll try and know that everything's ok

So I guess this is where I lie

where the days are endless and the nights, they just don't belong.

Dreaming my reality

where truth and fiction don't seem to exist

Confusion is home here, but believe in you is what you insist (it's what you insist)

Nights, don't belong, the nights, don't belong, and the nights, they just don't belong.

(Nights don't belong) I'll never be ok, as long as i'm dreaming a reality.

Senses Fail "Dreaming a Reality"

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