2003-10-10 | 12:18 a.m.
<< I Can't Cry >>

I figure that, since everyone else has updated, I should do the same. However, I just haven't been in the mood to do so recently.

I can't even put into words how tired I am lately. As I sit at the computer, I zone out. Kenny called the other night, and I couldn't even carry on a conversation. I keep thinking about when Antonio had that accident last year when he fell asleep at the wheel. Did he feel like this?

I'm not really in the best of moods lately, either. My away message the other night basically summed it up...

"Doing work and being generally pissed. Don't talk to me right now."

I was so angry, and I'm not even sure I know why. Everyone here was pissing me off like none other. I can't talk about it to anyone except one girl, but she has some issues of her own for the time being.

I guess what is really pissing me off is that I don't have anyone here to confide in. I can't even count the number of times that people from the dorm have come in here and told me their problems and asked for my advice. I'm tired of being the confidant and I am tired of being the mom. I don't want to be the mother to these people...I don't even like these people all the time. And yet I let them use me. I let them tell me their stories and I offer advice and I LISTEN, but I get nothing in return. Sometimes, I just want to cry to someone, but I don't always feel that there is someone to turn to. As I said before, there is one girl that I think could listen to me, but I am too busy helping her with a problem at the moment to do much venting. I don't want to be a burden, but I want to feel like someone cares! Damn Miami, Damn Wells Hall, Damn everyone here.

I don't really mean all of that. I am just so lonely here and I don't know what to do. And now I hear that a bunch of people will be home this weekend. I mean, my mom is coming here (it is Parent's weekend), but I want to see the friends. I'm so scared that I am going to see her and start crying again. I hate being here and I hate leaving.

Just don't care anymore
I've reached the end of the rope
I just don't care anymore
Won't cry these tears anymore

Can't find it in the bible
Can't find it on t.v.
Can't find it in diamonds
There's something inside me that just went around it
Can't find it in music
Can't find it in my soul
Can't find it in chocolate
Oh babe I can't hide it
I can't even fight it

I just don't care anymore
I've reached the end of the rope
I just don't care anymore
Won't cry these tears anymore

Garbage, "Can't Cry These Tears"

Later Days.
Lex

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