2003-10-10 | 11:26 a.m.
<< I'll let Robert Frost and Hercules describe my mood. >>

I don't think that I have been able to really express what it is that I am feeling lately. I haven't talked to anyone and I leave out details in my diary. So, I decided that Robert Frost would say it better than I ever could. I don't know if this poem was meant to depict the kind of mood that I am in, but the wonderful thing about poetry is its subjectivity. This poem says what it is that I can't.

Revelation

We make ourselves a place apart
Behind light words that tease and flout,
But oh, the agitated hear
Till someone really find us out.

'Tis pity if the case require
(Or so we say) that in the end
We speak the literal to inspire
The understanding of a friend.

But so with all, from babes that play
At hid-and-seek to God afar,
So all who hide too well away
Must speak and tell us where they are.

So, I guess the question I should be asking myself is, "Where am I?" Oxford, Ohio. Miami University. Wells Hall. This Dorm Room. My desk. To put it another way, I am physically here. Emotionally, I have no idea where I am. I don't feel like I belong here, but Lakewood almost seems foreign to me as well now.

I'm tired of hiding. I can't do that anymore. I need to make an effort to get out and TALK to people. I can't be the maternal friend to these people. I can't worry about problems I can't fix and people I can't help. I guess I need to focus on me now.

I know where I want to be...I just need to figure out where the hell I am now so that I can get there.

I will find my way
I can go the distance
I'll be there someday
If I can be strong
I know ev'ry mile
Will be worth my while
I would go most anywhere
to feel like I belong

Disney's "Hercules", "Go the Distance"

Later Days
Lexi

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