2004-05-17 | 10:20 p.m.
<< I'm not really sure what I was trying for with this one. >>

Well, I feel I have been neglecting the diaryland diary, so I am guilted into writing something. Unfortunately, I am at a lack of words at the moment. Nothing superbly out of the ordinary has been happening lately, I guess.

If you want to read of the terror that is wallpaper, please read my livejournal. It is a great read, I tell you.

Oh, and after much thought on my part, I accepted Kenny's offer to date. I know you all probably aren't surprised by this, as it was a topic of discussion on my part for MONTHS, but I also had some doubt...which I don't suppose is any new news to any of you either. I finally took the plunge, and now I'd like to say why. Read it if you wish...after all, you are here already.

Hokay, so here is dee Alexis. "Dang, that is a SWEET Alexis", you might say. And this Alexis went to college a very sad girl. She missed her friends and her home dearly. So she spent most of her time on the internet, talking to friends online. But over time, she started making friends at school and became more social. In fact, she won the "Most Outgoing/Loudest Personality" Award for her hall. She explored not only her surroundings, but also some of the depths of her personality. And she found something great...she realized what kind of person she could be if she continued growing and maturing.

Okay, so "dee Alexis" is me. And yes, I realized my full potential when I was at school. And I loved that version of me. I can't wait to be that version of me (Seriously, guys, I know you will love her). So I was a bit aprehensive about starting something with Kenny. I mean, I was such an emotional basketcase whenever I thought about him. I was a jealous bitch when I thought about him with other girls and I went out of my way to make him think I was okay with everything. In essence, I look back now and I really don't like the person I was. So I was worried that starting something with the guy who had caused me to become that version of myself would in some way make me regress.

Then I realized, "Hey, getting to that future version of you is going to be a work in progress." That one phrase was enough to put things into perspective for me. Part of growing up and developing is having interaction with other people...and this includes relationships. If I were to avoid involvement with people who had potential to be more than friends, I would be missing out on part of my development.

Plus, I really enjoy spending time with Kenny. We laugh and joke and talk, yet we also don't mind the silence. Oh, (and this might be more than you need to know...) and the kissing isn't bad either. All in all, I'm enjoying myself.

I guess I just need to take a break from trying to become the best version of me and just appreciate what I have here and how that actually contributes to my growth. Everything will fall into place...I don't need to force it.

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